The eyes have it

by | Nov 7, 2022 | 15 weeks of talking tips

Tip #5: Our eyes are a tool for communication.

 

There is a phrase we say in North American English, “The eyes have it”.  There’s another “The eyes are the windows to the soul”.  What on earth do we mean?  Are Americans obsessed with eyes, or is there some other meaning these messages?  In fact, there is.

 

The eyes are a tool we have for communication. 

Varying by culture, you can see the extent to which we use our eyes when we listen and when we speak.  In America, we value the use of our eyes when communicating, and we refer to that as our eye contact.

 

Eye contact is important, but what is it exactly?

Is eye contact merely looking at the speaker when they are talking?  How much you might ask? In American culture, we look into someone’s eyes to show that we are listening and to affirm their message.  We look into another’s eyes when we are speaking, to engage with them, to make our point, and to check to see if our message is being understood.  We especially look into others’ eyes when we are first being introduced, to show politeness and interest in that person.

 

When we don’t look into another’s eyes, a different message is sent.

If we don’t look at the speaker, we might be telling that person they are boring or that their message isn’t relevant.  We might also be communicating disinterest to them.  This can be perceived as being rude.  It is rude not to look into the eyes of someone who is in a position of authority, especially a boss, teacher or parent.  When that happens, the message sent is one that is not positive.

 

Eye contact builds trust.

It tells your listener that you value them, you want to hear what they have to say.  Of course we don’t want to be weird about our eye contact.  We don’t want to stare as that makes the listener uncomfortable.  It is perfectly fine to look away on occasion as you are communicating.  But remember the timing of your looking away because if you are asked a pointed question, and you look away, you could be conveying dishonesty.  You might be telling your listener you aren’t being truthful.

 

Also keep in mind that our personality comes through by the way we use our eyes.

If we are feeling shy or uncertain and we look away, that message of weakness is conveyed to our listener.  If we want to be assertive, make a point or even argue our position, maintaining eye contact is very effective and can even be intimidating to our listener.

 

If we really care about the person with whom we are talking, we will show them respect and look them in the eye as we are speaking and listening to them.  The eyes and the way we use our eyes really do have it.

Tip #5: Our eyes are a tool for communication.

 

There is a phrase we say in North American English, “The eyes have it”.  There’s another “The eyes are the windows to the soul”.  What on earth do we mean?  Are Americans obsessed with eyes, or is there some other meaning these messages?  In fact, there is.

 

The eyes are a tool we have for communication. 

Varying by culture, you can see the extent to which we use our eyes when we listen and when we speak.  In America, we value the use of our eyes when communicating, and we refer to that as our eye contact.

 

Eye contact is important, but what is it exactly?

Is eye contact merely looking at the speaker when they are talking?  How much you might ask? In American culture, we look into someone’s eyes to show that we are listening and to affirm their message.  We look into another’s eyes when we are speaking, to engage with them, to make our point, and to check to see if our message is being understood.  We especially look into others’ eyes when we are first being introduced, to show politeness and interest in that person.

 

When we don’t look into another’s eyes, a different message is sent.

If we don’t look at the speaker, we might be telling that person they are boring or that their message isn’t relevant.  We might also be communicating disinterest to them.  This can be perceived as being rude.  It is rude not to look into the eyes of someone who is in a position of authority, especially a boss, teacher or parent.  When that happens, the message sent is one that is not positive.

 

Eye contact builds trust.

It tells your listener that you value them, you want to hear what they have to say.  Of course we don’t want to be weird about our eye contact.  We don’t want to stare as that makes the listener uncomfortable.  It is perfectly fine to look away on occasion as you are communicating.  But remember the timing of your looking away because if you are asked a pointed question, and you look away, you could be conveying dishonesty.  You might be telling your listener you aren’t being truthful.

 

Also keep in mind that our personality comes through by the way we use our eyes.

If we are feeling shy or uncertain and we look away, that message of weakness is conveyed to our listener.  If we want to be assertive, make a point or even argue our position, maintaining eye contact is very effective and can even be intimidating to our listener.

 

If we really care about the person with whom we are talking, we will show them respect and look them in the eye as we are speaking and listening to them.  The eyes and the way we use our eyes really do have it.

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